If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
