so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
