There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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