i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
