I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just pee around me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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