god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
