His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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