My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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