Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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