i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
