Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
