So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
