When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
