So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
