She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
