Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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