I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
