I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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