Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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