The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
