guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize