I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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