So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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