We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize