So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
