can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
