Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
