Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
