I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
