I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
