fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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