Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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