Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
