im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
