She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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