so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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