All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
