there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
