Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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