Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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