you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
