So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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