in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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