my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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