yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you would pick up someone in the library
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He shit in the fireplace
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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