dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
