I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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