Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
