my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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