don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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