Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
