Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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