My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
