The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
