Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
