Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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