I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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