I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
