You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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