I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
