whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
