last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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