Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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