He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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