I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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