He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
