Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
