she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
