4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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