I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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