I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
